harmlesspleasure

Indeed, we were meant to be different people.

I didn't know what you guys think. I wasn't aware. Now that I am, it hardly makes any difference.

Somethings we don't talk about, things that we are better to do without. Seems like people hardly hold on to that as tightly as I do. Again, we were meant to be different.

I told myself, I would be the new day rising, the dawn of something new. I told myself, never say never. I told myself, hold on. Hold on. You're better than that. In the end, it amounts to nothing. We were meant to be different. 

I think i am too lazy for explanations, too tired for salvation. To me it doesnt matter. To people, they dont care. Taking bashing had nearly, just nearly became a norm. Until today.  Too much to handle, too little effort put in. I understand now. Why people stray apart, become estranged, just for that little thing. I understood the meaning of differences. 

And well, even Superman had Kryptonite. Why can't I? 

'In life, the hardest decisions are to decide which bridge to cross, and which bridge to burn. So right now is this the bridge that I am going to cross or burn?

 

It seems like something always stand between a man and his ideals. The semi-penetrative wall that changes a man, so much that he eventually turn out to be someone else other than himself.

 

It seems as though in my bid to take a detour to avoid this wall, in my bid to escape my destiny, i ended up meeting it again. Being increasingly disillusioned is just part of the deal. I forgot to take a peripheral view at the situation,' the boy told himself. 

 

The boy knows that the bridge is there to stay and it is not going to move anywhere. The only thing that is itinerant is the boy himself. 

During the nights that he so dreaded with his father, the torturous nights of entertaining his father with chess, perhaps the only thing that came out of it was a certain sentence that the boy knew would serve him well someday. When asked of what to do when he is trapped in a situation where there is no way out, the father gallingly replied, ‘the only logical course of action to partake would be to go further in.’

The boy was perfectly aware of what that meant now. Go further in, cross the bridge and burn it down.

 I am the eagle flying high above, at the top of the world.
You are the hunter with the rifle, ready to shoot me down. 
I am adam, imperfect and inadequate. 
You are my eve, ever ready to complete me. 
I am the empty cup, devoid of any feelings.
You are the water, flowing so gracefully.
I am the blunt white wall, plain and flat. 
You are the paint, colour my wall now.

I am Jing Wei. 
You are            

And its times like this that I learn to love again. 

 I am the angel with the halo who spreads out his wings to fly no matter what. 
I am the lone street light along the dark road which provides light to anyone near. 
I am the wild antelope which never stop hopping nor hoping for greener pieces of pastures. 
I am the moment when people remark, 'tomorrow will be a better day.'
I am the final roadblock which tells you the journey behind will be smoother. 
I am the one way highway which leads to your destination. 
I am the new day rising, the dawn of a better future. 
I am the unbeaten sun, only to come back stronger the other day. 
I am the purpose-driven life. 

I am Lee Jing Wei. 

And its times like this that I know that Im alive. 

 Hello people. Part 3 is out. i don't think this was my best effort but ah well. 

The child ran and ran and ran. Without stopping to catch his breath, he ran. With every ounce of his strength, he ran.  Every fiber of his being screamed out with conviction, every strand of his hair stood up with zeal.

Over the branch. That was easy. Under the trunk. That was painless. The thick undergrowth hardly posed a problem as he navigated through the dense jungle. Without slowing down, the child glanced back over his shoulder. The ebony abyss seemed to follow on tightly behind, with no intention of giving the child any break.  The child was stretched beyond measure. He was lost, without a single clue as to where he was heading except with a vaguely surreal image of the light ahead. Directionless and suffocating, the child pressed on.

As abruptly as it appeared, the light was suddenly gone. The child stood rooted to the ground, even more aimless and adrift than before. He looked around him, the abyss threatened to devour him if he ever stopped. The child knew what he had to do. This required a leap of faith. No, not faith in God but belief in good times ahead, belief that the key to salvation is just up ahead. Without a single moment of hesitation, the child took the leap. 

Hello. Part 2 is out. Enjoy and do comment. 

Ironically, the child had not felt so alive in years. The mockingly daunting prospect of being discharged early frightened the child. So far, admittance to the hospital provided a sort of solitary escape for him. Being alone with no external disturbances, oddly, comforted the child.

Looking back, he was almost sure he was in heaven. The blinding lights were unmistakable. The warmth and surreal voices were inimitable. Are those angels? He thought. Perhaps God had allowed him a final break and a moment of indulgence. The child virtually understood heaven, when everything around shattered. The lights were no ivory gates but lights from the Intensive Care Unit. The only thing the child was certain of after recovery from the shock was that he had been the lone survivor of a bomb blast. He constantly escaped from the crowd during a Mass, a habit he relished. That time was no different.

Evidence of God’s grace, people around him says. But it seemed to the child as though he had been the butt of God’s, if there were one, divine joke. God had denied him of a chance of getaway from the life he dreaded so much. He had always imagined a life so different from the hell he is living. People say dreams are for weaklings but why not? He thought. Dreams and aspirations are a poor man’s right, his only luxury.

With nothing left to continue living on for, it was time to reassess his life. An early task for a child but nevertheless an important one. This is not about what was or what is about to be. Rather this is about right now. Truth be told, there not only had been weighty losses, crippling but also achievements, however inadequate those may be. Aimless self-gratifying routines and gestures of little faith dictated his life. But again and again, this is not about what was.

The child laid prone in bed, life and faith alike shattered beyond measure. He decided he was going to pick those pieces up, with or without any help. It did not matter.

Actually this should be part 1 but nevermind.  

 I haven't updated in years and months so here goes. Thought of writing some story but i don't think anyone will read it anyway. For the few who manage to read it, do comment yeah?

The child sat at the edge of the field, staring into the night sky like a lone wolf waiting upon its prey, except those eyes are not filled with malice but confusion. Even the child had not a single clue as to what he is experiencing now. Disappointment perhaps? Maybe anger? It did not matter. The father had already begun to walk up towards the child and taking the liberty to sit beside him.

‘A penny for your thoughts?’ asked the father, knowing fully the reply to his question.

‘Nothing much,’ replied the child. The father could not only sense the intent but also the disorientation and confusion in the child’s voice. This was one of those moments where the child loses faith and direction.

‘I just want to be alone.’

‘I know, but its always good to have someone there for you, isn’t it? I am always here for you.’ The father extended his palm, in a fashion the child is all too familiar with. The child glanced at the extended palm, stretched out his own arm and pushed the father’s palm away, slowly but deliberately. For a moment, the father thought his plan had worked, that somehow the child was touched by his intentional act of kindness.

‘I’ve had enough of that. I’ve seen quite enough. Where were you when I needed you?’ the child asked, his confusion replaced with traces of disappointment.

‘I was watching you in a distance, I…’

‘You weren’t with me and you weren’t helping.’ The child stood up and placed a cold hand on the father’s shoulders. For once, the child was looking down at the father, his once tender eyes now rough and adrift. The father knew exactly what the child was thinking but there was nothing he can do to stop him nor was there any need to. The child was lost and this was the one thing that both of them can reach a common consensus. 

Yesterday I saw this queue of people, long queue of people today at Toa Payoh. I was wondering what they were doing, turned out they were trying to buy 4D. Often I wonder how could Singaporeans queue up, spend so much time, to actually give their money away and that money is of no benefit to anyone. Or even queue up for donuts for that manner. Time and money could be spent making other people feel good (not Singapore Pools - -). On a more serious note, yesterday i posted an article on perception and i think it actually gained a few hits. Maybe i could make this into a habit and write on weekends. I don't know, let's see. The following is original jing wei-stuff. Okay, there are some influences from some novels i have read.

Carl Sagan once said, “Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people.” There are currently more than six billion people in the world. Some are running from their fears, some are pursuing glory, some are working hard to keep their dreams alive while others are trying to help people find themselves. Everyone has a mission to complete, six billion people, six billion souls. Sometimes all you need is one.

Small things in life that you do seems insignificant to you but may be of a greater cause to somebody else. Such ‘insignificant acts’ come together to form an even greater cause.  Everyone has that kind of feeling that they are meant for something greater and not just a smaller part of other person’s life. We all feel this way, but before we rush off to do something ‘greater’ why not take a little at your own lives now and decide what you are doing that is of a good cause. You ever took a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. Were we destined to be there or just a mere coincidence? Is your best friend destined to be your best friend, or is it by some stroke of luck that he turns out to be? Did you just happen to pass by a guy who needs a penny for his ride to his interview? Or did destiny play a part? Maybe, without knowing it, you may be a big part of someone else’s life.

Often your mind perceives what you want it to perceive. So what do you want to see? The mind is prone to outside influences, in fact much too vulnerable to them. In the case when someone tells you to believe in something, will you follow blindly, or take a step back to think about it. Many of times people tend to think they are the latter. And many of times this is what makes them so easily influenced. Just the notion of believing in a supernatural entity easily displays the vulnerability of the mind. Your parents tells you there are spirits around, their parents tell them the same thing so on and so forth. We tend to forget such an idea stems from human being's common fear in death and their weak hope in afterlife. Why won't most people just think about it? Or even question it. Most people won't. Most people i know do not have their own perception, or intelligent perception so to speak. But then again, if every one has their own perception of things in life, the world will probably not have leaders and such, isn't it? Mockery at the ironic world.

dammit, dislocation sucks. Big time. On the bright side, i got a new haircut! cheers. I cut away the back of my hair totally, left my sides long and fringe a little inclined to short. and it looks quite good :D


Dream hair zang


Okay, i know hes hot, and me not so much. But STILL. If it helps, grow hair grow.